How do you like being a mom?

This evening we had a guest over for dinner and at some point during the evening, he asked me “How do you like being a mom?” That’s such a heavy question isn’t it? And funnily enough it’s one that I’ve been asked a few times before.

It took me a few seconds to gather my thoughts but this was my response.

I love being a mom. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a mom and so for me it’s a dream come true. But, it’s hard work. Being a mom is hard work. You have this blank canvas and it’s your job to do what you can do to bring out the best in this individual so it’s also a huge responsibility and immense pressure. You are in charge of raising and creating who this child becomes. You want to give your child everything you can and expose them to all the right things. And that’s a tough job but at the end of the day you just have to be the best parent you can be and hope that reflects in them in a few years time. No matter how tough things can sometimes be, that smile in the morning, the cuddles, the cute things they say and do, make up for it all. So in answer to the question, I love being a mom!


If someone had to ask you, what do you love about being a mom, what would your answer be?

Inspiring Mama Series: Emma Jackson

Emma Jackson is 27 and a single mum to Ethan-James who is 20 months old. She worked in a busy day nursery after leaving school in 2002 until 2007. She then worked at a plant hire company until 2009 and then in Wales until 2010. On the 3rd of November 2010 she had a life changing accident which resulted in a 5 week hospital stay. She had 10 operations in 7 days and has had 6 more since. It took the emergency services 1 hour and 35 minutes to get her out of her car which had dropped down a 30ft. embankment. She’s been left with scars for life as well as mobility issues. But she hasn’t let any of this stop her going after what she wants. She is one brave mama!


NM: You’ve been through quite a bit in the last few years and you’re still fairly young. Was wanting a child something you always had in mind or something you realised after your accident?

EJ: I have always wanted children but timescale wise it wasn’t something I could pinpoint. I was told I was infertile in 2005 and this was heartbreaking as I always dreamed of being a mum. After the accident I realised how much we take for granted and how short life is so I set about fertility treatments and ways to become a parent as a single mum.

NM: Being a single parent is a tough job but you took it on voluntarily. What motivates you?

EJ: Being a single mum is very hard work but every moment, every smile, giggle and cuddle is so rewarding. I don’t see it as a challenge as I’ve never known anything different.

NM: What method did you choose to have your son, Ethan-James? And why?

EJ: The method I chose to have my son was artificial insemination using donor sperm. I chose this way over adoption, fostering, etc. as I wanted to carry my own child and be the biological mother.

NM: Were there any risks with conceiving Ethan-James so soon after the accident? You were young and could have possibly waited a little longer?

EJ: No, no risks but my fertility specialist said 25 (age) was cutting it if I wanted to try as I needed medications, etc. But operations did have to wait till I had him.

NM: Does the National Health Service (in the UK) cover artificial insemination? I’m guessing it’s quite an expensive process?

EJ: The NHS in my area didn’t. I don’t know if they still don’t or do. IVF, you get 3 cycles but again not in our area. You have to go out of area. I did mine privately.

NM: For those who are considering having a baby without a partner, what advice would you give them?

EJ: If you are considering becoming a parent without a partner I would say the most important things are to have good family and friends for support. I have amazing friends and family. Think long and hard about the financial part. Also being the baby’s sole carer, you don’t get a day off if you’re tired or ill. You still have to look after them 100%, there’s no going to bed to recover, etc. whilst the other half helps out.

For more information on artificial insemination and what it involves, click here.

Mama Guilt

I received a lovely message from a friend this morning, I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing it here:

“I’ve stopped breast feeding him now

It’s so much easier as I ask my helper to get the bottle ready at night

But his cot is in my room so I still wake up

And I guess I always want to personally make sure he is ok

It was bittersweet to stop feeding

I felt freedom…

Yet I felt bad not giving him what is best for him

Motherhood has so many emotional challenges

Would never trade it for anything in the world though

It’s really rewarding”

This is a friend who’s son is now 10+ months (I think she’s done pretty well) and I was once on the phone to her while she was sitting in her office bathroom pumping for her son’s next feed…that’s dedication! And yet this amazing mama feels guilty for not being able to breastfeed anymore and for having to go back to work full time.


Mama’s guilt, it affects us all at some point. As mom’s there is so much we feel guilty about – not being able to breastfeed or just formula feeding instead, sitting our children down in front of the television while we make dinner, using disposable nappies instead of switching to cloth, feeding our kids junk food, leaving our child at nursery or with a child minder while we go to work, the list is endless.

So many women also tend to compare themselves to other women and how they raise their kids so we often ask/receive questions like “Is your child sleeping through the night?” or “Oh he eats all his vegetables?” But let me tell you mama, every child is different and every mother too.


So if you’re bombarded with guilt, stop your thought process, kick that lil’ guilt bugger sitting on your shoulder off, stop judging and being so hard on yourself, think of advice you’d give a friend if she was in the same situation feeling guilty and know that whatever you’re doing is the best in your given circumstances. Give yourself credit for who YOU are and what YOU do. And if you still feel the guilt then address it. Look for changes you can make so you feel better about things and see yourself in a new light. A happy mama = a happy baby!


This is a beautiful video to remind us to stop underestimating ourselves.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Post Natal Depression

I’ve actually been meaning to do a post on post natal depression for a while. It’s one of those things that is so common (1 in 3 moms in the UK suffer from it) but people struggle to talk about it. I guess when anything is linked to parenting moms tend to shy away from it for fear of being labelled a bad mother or not being able “keep it together”. They often feel shame and guilt. This is sometimes made worse by partners or family members who don’t understand what they are going through.

Some symptoms include:

Low mood

Loss of interest in those around you

Crying, for no apparent reason

A constant underlying sense of anxiety

Feeling overly anxious and protective of your baby

Often feeling disconnected from your baby

Feeling lonely and isolated

Lack of motivation to do anything

Guilty because you don’t feel that overwhelming love for your baby

If you do feel like this, it is important to talk to your GP, community midwife, your partner or family/friends you can trust. It’s more common than you think and there are ways to get it under control so you feel like yourself again.

You can read more about it here.

I am lucky to have a close-knit group of online friends, all who had their babies around the same time as me. I can tell you who’s baby is allergic to diary, who’s baby walked first, who’s has sleep issues. I can also tell you who has suffered from PND. One of those lovely and very brave ladies has shared her story to raise money for “The association of post natal depression” and I suppose this is what finally brought me to write this post I’ve been thinking about for a long time. Patricia Finlay, here is her story:

I couldn’t wait to become a mummy, the day that I found out that I was pregnant was the happiest day of my life. Only 2 months earlier I had suffered an early miscarriage so I felt that this was my little miracle baby.

I breezed through pregnancy with no sickness and, although it was 10 and a half hours, my labour wasn’t too bad.

I worried about not bonding with Erin immediately as I’d heard about postnatal depression but as soon as she was handed to me I was in love. She was so tiny at only 5lbs 11oz and looked up at me and my heart melted.

I settled into motherhood like a fish in water, everyone commented how calm and relaxed I was with Erin, she was an easy baby to look after so I think that helped. On the 4 day after she was born I suffered from the ‘baby blues’. 8 in 10 mums suffer from this. It’s said to be caused by hormonal changes in your body during the week after giving birth and makes you feel moody, emotional and irritable, I remember holding Erin rocking back and forth while sobbing, my partner sent me off for a bath and I sat in the bath hugging my knees and sobbing. I knew I had no reason to cry and knew I was being silly. Luckily though, this only lasted one evening.

The rest of my maternity leave was spent taking Erin places and enjoying my time off work. I was going back to work when Erin was 5 and a half months old so I was making the most of it. I would have loved to have taken longer but it was just not financially possible for me. I was also looking forward to getting back to work as well as I enjoyed my job and couldn’t wait to have adult conversations again.

My partner proposed to me in July and we decided to just have a quiet wedding and only have family there. We agreed to keep it a secret and just announce it after it had happened. The planning started on that, I got a dress and shoes, got Erin a dress and on 18 October 2012 we got married in a small ceremony in the local council office. It was a perfect day.

I can’t actually pinpoint when things started to turn but it must have been some time in November. Things just seemed to start to snowball. All I seemed to do was rush – rushed out to work in the morning, rush home to get Erin, rush to get her dinner, rush to get our dinner sorted and rush to organize things for the morning. Just felt I had no time to do anything. Felt that the house was a mess, that I had no time to do washing or ironing or no time to just relax and do anything for myself.

It was at this point where the light-headedness started. Every few days I would get light-headed and feel dizzy. I went to my GP who referred me to a cardiologist. I then developed headaches. I’d never suffered from headaches before but these were agonizing – right across the top of my eyes. I went back to my GP who asked if I was stressed or anything but I said no. I then had an ECG and had to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours to check that everything was ok.

It was around Christmas 2012 that I noticed that I was numb, I didn’t have any ‘feelings’. I felt like I was in a bubble. I looked at Erin and my husband and felt nothing. I knew I loved them but couldn’t actually feel it. It was horrible and I chose to bury my head in the sand and ignore it and get on with things.

It was when things started to get on top of me in work that I knew that I had to do something about it. I felt safe in work as I felt normal there. But I started to feel panicky if I had a few things to do which is not like me at all.

I spoke to a close friend about how I was feeling and she suggested that it might be postnatal depression. It hadn’t even occurred to me that it could be this as Erin was now 11 months old. It was after that conversation when I opened up to my husband about how I was feeling and made an appointment with my GP.

I told the GP everything about how I was feeling and I was diagnosed with postnatal depression. He explained that the headaches and light-headedness were all because I was ignoring my symptoms and that it was manifesting itself as physical symptoms. He asked how I felt about taking anti-depressant medication, I said that if he felt it would help then I’d give it a go so he gave me a prescription of Citalopram and told me that I should expect to feel worse when I started the medication but to not stop taking them.

I started the medication that day (Thursday) and I had agreed to go out with friends on the Saturday for lunch. I’m usually a sociable person but on the Friday I was panicking about going, I felt that my friends didn’t really want me to come and that they had just asked me because they felt that they had to. I went but couldn’t relax at all and left early blaming a migraine.

I had booked the Monday off work to spend some time with Erin but by the Sunday evening I wished I hadn’t, any time that I was on my own with Erin I felt panicky, I remember waking up on the Monday morning and opening her drawers to get her clothes and feeling so overwhelmed, I couldn’t pick something for her to wear and started to panic. My heart started racing and palms were sweating, I quickly got Erin ready and went to my mums with her so I didn’t need to be on my own with her. Looking back now it seems so silly but this is how it affected me.

I went into work on the Tuesday but I very quickly realized that would have to leave, my heart was racing and felt very panicky. I spoke to my line manager and explained and he was very understanding and told me to take as much time as I needed. I left and went home and got straight into bed. I didn’t get out of bed until I had to collect Erin from her nanny’s house and I brought her home and got back into bed with her. She fell asleep and I prayed that she would sleep until my husband came home from work so I wouldn’t need to look after her as I felt panicky about it.

The next day I went to my mums and told her about my postnatal depression, I didn’t want to but I had to. She broke down in tears as she was worried about me but I told her I was fine even though I wasn’t. I told her that I was going to take some time off work until my tablets settled down but at the minute they were making me panicky. I told her that I didn’t want to take Erin out of her routine so she would still be looked after as if I was working for me to focus on getting back to normal.

The next while seems like a blur, there were days when I could barely get up and dressed. I managed to get Erin to whoever was looking after her but that was about it. I came home and crawled back into bed. I dreaded having to collect Erin and counted the minutes until my husband came home from work so I wouldn’t have to be on my own with her, I got into bed with her and when she fell asleep I’d pray that she stayed asleep until he came home.

Someone told me that starting a diary would be therapeutic and good to look back on; these are a few entries from it:

“Had an up and down day today. I’m dreading phoning work and telling them I’m going to be off for another 4 weeks. I’m still not connecting with Erin and it’s killing me. She’s developing her own little personality and I feel I’m missing out on enjoying it.”

“Dreading Erin’s birthday tomorrow. Keep thinking why did I have a baby in the first place and that things were so much easier before she came along. Slept for 2 hours this afternoon and having to get a few things and make buns got too much for me even though it was only a few things. What is wrong with me?”

“I thought I had a good day today but no, I hate myself”

Reading these back now it scares me to how I was feeling. I remember thinking that it would be better off if I wasn’t around, not that I would’ve done anything stupid. But I remember one day seeing my box of pills and wondering what would happen if I took all of them, it was only for a fleeting second then I wondered why I was thinking like that.

The doctor doubled my dose of citalopram to see if made any difference but I still felt the same so he decided to switch me onto Sertraline which meant weaning off citalopram first.

I saw a counsellor once a week which I found helpful, although my husband and mum knew I felt that I couldn’t tell them everything about how I was feeling.

The main word I would describe how I was feeling would be guilt. I felt guilty for feeling the way that I did, I felt guilty that I felt that I didn’t love my baby, I felt guilty for being sick. I felt guilty that there were people who couldn’t have children and that had ‘proper’ things to worry about and here I was with a beautiful baby and a husband who loved me yet I was feeling terrible.

My husband was very supportive but I know that it was hard for him too; he had to tiptoe around me for the fear of upsetting me. I think we’ve grown closer because of it though.

Once I started the Sertraline I started to feel a bit better, was able to function daily. The next step would be getting well enough to return to work.

We had booked to visit my sister in England and I took a bit of a wobble on the way to the airport, think it was because it was taking me out of my comfort zone. That’s when I realized that I may not be as well as I thought.

I’ve returned to work on a phased return which seems to be going okay. Still get a bit worried about juggling everything but fingers crossed it works out…

When I was diagnosed I contacted my health visitor to ask if there were any support groups in my area to meet people going through the same thing and was shocked to hear that there wasn’t. I searched Facebook and came across a private group for women suffering from the same thing and it was a relief to know that I wasn’t alone. I have since discovered that a lot of women I know also have suffered from this illness. I guess I’m writing this because I don’t think that Postnatal Depression is talked about and people don’t realize how it affects sufferers. I also want to let women going through the same thing know that they are not alone.

Patricia has a Just Giving page…you can find her story here and also donate to her cause.


Patricia with her beautiful daughter Erin

So please dig deep and donate generously, it will help so many moms out there. And if you’ve gone through this or are going through this, please feel free to share Patricia’s story. The more awareness created, the more moms out there will know they are not alone.

Cry it out (CIO) vs. Wait it out (WIO)

You’ve got your beautiful three month old baby in your arms, they’re hopefully over the colic or reflux, your baby is starting to form a good routine but the only thing you’re battling with is sleep (or lack of!). If you weren’t lucky enough to have a baby who slept through the night from a young age, one of the things that you may have considered is letting your child cry it out. CIO is a method of sleep training that involves allowing your child to cry until they get tired and fall asleep (there are also some interval crying training methods). Many people believe that at 3-6 months our babies are “smart” and know that if they cry a mother will go in and cuddle, rock or feed them to sleep and so wail for attention. But once they get the idea that their mom isn’t going to go into them, they start sleeping through. This can usually take a few nights.

The other side of the coin is a wait it out method. The WIO method does as is says on the box. You WIO until your child is ready to sleep on their own, until they are ready to sleep through the night. Many people who follow a WIO method do so because they believe excessive crying affects the babies brain cells, releases high levels of cortisol into their blood stream or simply because they cannot hear their baby cry.


I’ll be honest, I left S to cry once for 6 minutes and I cried for about 3 of those minutes. It was very difficult and in those 6 minutes I realised it is not for me. I’m not against anyone who opts to let their baby CIO. It takes all sorts and everyone needs to do what works for them. But for me I decided when S was quite young that I would WIO and I can happily say at almost 17 months he is finally sleeping through the night. I’m glad I waited it out and I’d like to think he sleeps securely knowing that if he does cry, I’ll be there.

My reasons for WIO are because I believe babies cry for a reason. The reason may be comfort but it is a valid reason and if a child needs comfort and security till they are 16 months then so be it. They could be uncomfortable because they have gas, they could be scared of the dark, feel anxious with some noises they just heard or maybe they just want to me beside their mothers because that is the safest and warmest place in their world. Each child is different and reaches their milestones at different ages. Sleeping through the night is another milestone.